My husband wants to paint his office. He has swatches with about 70 different shades of blue on his desk. He says, which one — I’m confused, I can’t decide. Which one do you like?
I look, and three shades jump out at me. I pick the strongest and say, that one.
He says what do you mean, that one, don’t you want to think about it?
No, I don’t need to think about it. I can see them. I like that one.
He says, I need another two weeks to look at them and contemplate them and move them around and decide.
Two weeks later, he’s still up in the air. He asks me, Which one do you like?
The same three colors jump out at me. I point to the same tile. I like that one.
… And when my sister-in-law who sells jewelry comes out with five pallets full of like 200 sets of earrings and splays them out in front of all us girls, everybody goes Oooooo and starts raking through them. I schmush the sets around for a minute, and pluck a gorgeous pair of fire topaz and silver-tone drops out of the inventory.
Everybody else is pawing and pouring over earrings for the next two hours. I hold onto my fire topaz drops. My sister-in-law says, are you sure? There are so many pretty ones! You can keep looking, Sue, it’s all right.
Sure, thanks, they’re all beautiful. But I don’t need to keep looking.
Everybody else continues to rifle.
Doesn’t mean that my choice isn’t valid. Five years later, those fire topaz drops are still my favorite freaking pair of earrings.
Doesn’t mean I don’t still love that color blue.
Paint swatches. Jewelry. Men. I don’t need to deliberate. I know what I want when I want it. I know what I feel when I feel it, and I know it immediately. I enjoy it that way. So don’t bother talking me out of it.
Doesn’t mean those feelings aren’t absolutely authentic just because they came to me right away. It means I trust my gut. I am decisive.
So if I have had to deal with the repercussions of deciding I had significant feelings for someone right away, that was always all right with me. That’s what I do. Did. Maybe the only caution I should have more frequently taken was not opening my mouth so fast, knowing that other people don’t have the same kind of immediate knowledge of what they want and how they feel as I do. Most people have decision-making processes that are deliberate and drawn-out, instead of instantaneous and instinctive, and I should respect that by pretending to be normal. So as not to have my decisions be considered impetuous and fabricated.
Which is so not the case.